Supporting a Loved One Through Tough Times: A Therapist’s Guide
We would never tell someone with a broken leg that they should stop wallowing and get it together. We don't consider taking medication for an ear infection something to be ashamed of. We shouldn't treat mental health conditions any differently.
— Michelle Obama
If you’ve noticed your partner, close friend, or family member feeling low recently, you’re likely concerned and wondering how best to help. It can feel challenging to support a loved one through tough times, especially when you’re juggling other priorities. Yet being there for them is one of the most meaningful things you can do.
In this guide, we’ll walk through realistic steps you can take – from listening and validating their feelings to offering practical help and encouraging professional support. Let’s explore how you can empower yourself to help your loved one without feeling overwhelmed or overstepping boundaries.
Listen and Be Present
One of the simplest and most powerful ways to support someone with depression is to listen. Often, people don’t need advice – they just need to feel heard. Sit down with your loved one, remove distractions, and invite them to share what they’re going through. Remember to listen with the goal of understanding, not just responding. Nod or offer small acknowledgments to show you’re engaged. By practicing this kind of active listening, you’re showing empathy and helping your loved one feel valued and less alone. Let’s break down what this may look like:
Listen without judgment: Let them express their feelings freely. Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve or compare with your own experiences. Simply being a compassionate, attentive listener can be incredibly healing. Phrases like “I’m here for you” reassure them that you care.
Be patient and present: Depression can make someone withdraw or repeat the same worries many times. Stay patient and present. Even if you’ve heard this before, remember it’s important for them that you let them be heard. Your steady presence sends the message that you won’t run away just because things are hard.
Use gentle prompts: If they’re hesitant to talk, you might ask open-ended questions: “How have you been feeling lately?” or “What’s on your mind today?” Keep your tone casual and caring. If they don’t feel like talking, let them know that’s okay too – you’re available whenever they are ready.
Validate Their Feelings
When your loved one does open up, make sure to validate their emotions. Validation means acknowledging that their feelings are real and understandable, given what they’re going through. Avoid downplaying their pain or trying to “cheer them up” with platitudes – comments like “It’s not that bad”or “Everyone goes through tough times” (however well-intended) can come across as dismissive. Instead, focus on empathy and understanding. You might not fix their sadness, but you can certainly ensure they don’t feel judged for it.
Some supportive things you can say to validate their feelings include:
“You’re not alone in this. I’m here for you during this tough time.”
“I might not fully understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.”
“It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. I’m glad you told me – I’m here to listen.”
These kinds of statements show that you take their feelings seriously and that you’re with them, not against them. They reinforce that it’s okay for your loved one to talk about what they’re experiencing.
In contrast, try to steer clear of phrases that invalidate or pressure them, such as “Snap out of it,” or “Look on the bright side”. Even if you mean well, those remarks can make a depressed person feel misunderstood or guilty. By listening and validating, you’re telling your loved one: “I hear you, I believe you, and I’m here to help you carry this burden.”
Offer Practical Help
Depression can drain a person’s energy and motivation, making everyday tasks overwhelming. One way you can support a loved one is by offering practical help with the things they may be struggling to manage.
Think about their daily routine and where you might lighten the load. Even small gestures and simple acts of assistance can make a big difference in their day-to-day life. Importantly, try to be specific in your offers – a vague “Let me know if you need anything” is well-meant, but a person in a depressed state might not follow up on it. Instead, proactively suggest a task or activity you can help with and ask if that would be welcome.
Here are some realistic, actionable ways to help:
Help with daily chores: Offer to do the grocery shopping, cook a meal, or tidy up the house if they haven’t had the energy. Taking care of a sink full of dishes or a load of laundry for them can relieve stress from their plate .
Run errands or drive them: If they need to pick up medications or have appointments, you can volunteer to drive or accompany them. The act of getting to an appointment can be daunting when someone is depressed, so having company helps.
Encourage a healthy routine: Gently help them maintain a regular schedule. For instance, you might suggest a short walk together in the morning or plan to watch a favourite show at a certain time. Engaging in small activities (with no pressure to participate if they’re not up to it) gives a sense of normalcy and connection.
Make plans (without pressure): Every so often, invite them to do something low-key, like grabbing a coffee, going to a movie, or taking a walk in the park. If they decline, don’t take it personally and don’t push. Simply extending the invitation shows you care, and on days they do feel up to it, having a standing offer can be comforting.
When offering support, communicate clearly and kindly. You might say, “I know getting meals prepared every day can be hard right now – how about I cook us both dinner tomorrow?” This direct approach can be easier for your loved one to accept than a broad question.
Always get their consent and input; don’t assume what help they need most – ask if your idea would be helpful. By pitching in with practical tasks, you’re not only easing their burden, but also showing them they deserve care just like anyone else.
Encourage Professional Support
Remember that depression is a medical condition – and oftentimes professional help is needed for your loved one to start feeling better. Encouraging them to seek professional support (like a psychologist, counsellor, or GP) is one of the most impactful steps you can take. This topic can be sensitive; approach it with compassion and optimism rather than making it sound like a criticism. You might say, “Have you thought about talking to a doctor or counsellor? I can help you look into it if you want.” Emphasise that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a brave and important step toward feeling better.
Keep in mind that depression often saps motivation and fosters hopelessness. Your loved one may feel like getting help won’t change anything, or they might be too exhausted to begin the process. Gently remind them that depression is treatable and that things can improve with the right support.
Offer to assist in practical ways here too, such as: researching local therapists or support groups, helping them book an appointment with their GP as a starting point, or even going with them to the first therapy session if they’re comfortable with that. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, so your encouragement and help with logistics can lower the barrier.
If your loved one is already undergoing therapy, you can support that process as well. Encourage them to stick with their therapy sessions or medication plan if they have one. For example, you might offer friendly reminders about their upcoming appointments or ask how you can help them follow the doctor’s recommendations. Be positive and patient – treatment can take time to work, and there might be ups and downs.
Celebrate small wins along the way, like if they manage to attend all their therapy sessions in a month or if they tell you they’re feeling a bit better on a new medication. Your optimism and reinforcement can give them hope. And if they express fears or stigma about seeking help, reassure them that needing help is normal and okay. You could share that mental health professionals are there precisely to guide people through times like this, and that you’d be proud of them for taking that step. By normalising therapy, you make it easier for them to seek and accept that help.
Set Personal Boundaries (Take Care of You Too)
Supporting someone with depression can be exhausting, especially when you care deeply about them. It’s crucial to set personal boundaries and take care of yourself even as you care for your loved one. This isn’t selfish – in fact, maintaining your own well-being is a necessary part of being a sustainable source of support. Think of it like being on an airplane: you have to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. If you exhaust yourself or ignore your own needs, you won’t be in a good place to help anyone else in the long run.
What do healthy boundaries look like? First, remind yourself that you are their support person, not their saviour. You cannot single-handedly “fix” their depression, and it’s not your job to do so. What you can do is support and encourage them, but professional help and time will do the heavy lifting in their recovery. Release any guilt for not being able to make them 100% better on your own – nobody expects that of you.
Second, be honest with yourself and your loved one about what you can realistically handle. If you also have a full-time job, children to care for, or other responsibilities, it’s okay (and important) to communicate your limits. For example, you might say, “I can come by twice a week to help with errands, but I also need some evenings to myself to recharge.” Setting this kind of expectation prevents misunderstandings and resentment down the line. Being there for someone doesn’t mean becoming their sole caregiver or abandoning your own life – you only have so much time and emotional bandwidth, and that’s where a broader support network and professionals need to play a role too.
Here are some tips for maintaining healthy boundaries and self-care while supporting your loved one:
Keep your routines: Don’t abandon the activities that keep you healthy and happy. Continue your regular exercise classes, work schedule, hobbies, and social outings as much as possible. These aren’t trivial – they refill your energy and resilience. Taking time for yourself (going for a run, reading a book, spending time with other friends) is not something to feel guilty about; it’s a way to protect your mental health .
Seek your own support: Just as your loved one might benefit from professional help, you too might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or join a support group. If you notice feelings of burnout, frustration, or sadness building up in yourself, reaching out for support can provide relief and guidance. A therapist can offer a safe space to vent your worries and help you develop coping strategies, which ultimately benefits both you and your loved one. Remember, you deserve support as well.
Learn to say no: If your loved one is relying on you for more than you can give, practice setting gentle but firm limits. For instance, if they call you late every night and it’s affecting your sleep, you might establish a rule that you’ll talk up until 10pm, and after that, you both will rest. Communicate boundaries early and kindly: “I care about you so much, and I want to be here for you. I also need to make sure I get enough sleep to be helpful. Let’s try to catch up in the evenings but wind down by 10 so we both can recharge.” By doing this, you’re not rejecting them – you’re modelling healthy behaviour and ensuring you don’t run yourself ragged. It keeps the support sustainable.
Get reinforcements: Encourage your loved one to widen their support circle so it’s not just leaning on you. Is there another friend or family member who can spend time with them occasionally? Maybe a depression support group or community activity they can attend? Remind your loved one (and yourself) that it’s healthy to have multiple sources of support. You can even facilitate connecting them with others (“Hey, I mentioned to [Mutual Friend] that you’ve been having a rough time, and they’d love to have lunch with you next week if you’re up for it.”). Knowing they have others to turn to can take pressure off both of you.
By setting these kinds of boundaries, you’re ensuring that your relationship stays healthy. Boundaries actually come from a place of love – they mean you care enough about the person and yourself to keep the situation manageable. It might feel difficult at first if you’re prone to people-pleasing or putting others first, but over time you’ll likely find that clear limits make you more compassionate, not less. You’ll have the energy and heart to be fully present during the times you are together. And your loved one, despite perhaps not welcoming this initially, will benefit from a supporter who isn’t burned out or resentful. It keeps your support genuine and freely given.
Key Takeaways
Supporting a loved one through depression is a journey, and it’s normal to sometimes feel unsure or even overwhelmed. Remember: it’s okay not to have all the answers, and it’s okay to acknowledge that this situation is hard for you too.
The very fact that you’ve sought out information (reading this blog, for example) shows how much you care and want to help. That’s a wonderful start. Your loved one is very lucky to have you in their corner!
As you continue to be there for them, keep in mind that you’re not alone either. There are many resources and professionals out there to guide both you and your loved one. Don’t hesitate to reach out for more support.
Encourage your loved one to utilise available resources – for instance, reputable organisations like the Black Dog Institute offer great fact sheets and suggestions for helping someone with mental health struggles.
If things become heavy for either of you, consider speaking with a mental health professional. A therapist can provide personalised strategies for your specific situation and offer much-needed support and reassurance. Sometimes a few sessions of guidance for you as a supporter can make a huge difference in how you cope and care.
Finally, give yourself credit for the kindness and effort you’re extending. Simply by being there, listening, and encouraging hope, you are making a positive impact in your loved one’s life. Tough times don’t last forever, but loving support does. With patience, empathy, and the right balance of care and boundaries, you can help your loved one find their way through the darkness. And if you ever feel stuck, reach out for help – you and your loved one both deserve support, hope, and healing.
If you need further resources or professional guidance, consider contacting a qualified therapist or a support organisation in your area.
You’re doing a great job by being there – and remember, help is available whenever you need it. 💜
